Alright so do you ever think you have a lot of faith in God and think yeah he can really do anything that wants to do and when that time comes you start thinking “Oh Lord, well I really do hope that he can!” I am at that point in my life. I have always been very confident that the lord would just work it out that I could be a stay at home mom and that when I got pregnant everything would just fall right into place and the lord would provide that desire of my heart, to stay at home and raise my child. Well the time has come the decision is here to make and I think Oh lord just what if we can’t make it with me staying at home. I have always been the glass is half full and Sam has always been the glass is half empty and now it seems our roles have switched. I love my husband and how determined he is to make it where I can stay at home and him be the one providing. As I am talking to Sam I ask have you got a sign that maybe you just haven’t shared with me… we both laugh… but I am serious… I am so scared but I do trust Sam but more importantly I trust the God I serve. I think of how many times I have asked him to do things for me and they were answered not always right on time and not always what I wanted but just perfect when it did happen. Take us having a child right now, we have tried and tried and you guys know the trial I went through and even though you probably lost count at all my bad days even those that I didn’t blog about and I am so thankful for every single one of them. I think that if we would have had a baby before now how life might now have worked out like it is right now at this moment, this perfect moment. Sam and I both are so extremely excited and so happy that we are going become parents. I have went through so many pregnancies over the past few years, some where the parents weren’t happy that a baby was on the way, some where 1 parent was happy and the other wasn’t, some where no one was happy for the couple and the parents were happy, some where the dad felt like the mom practically made him give in to have a baby, and through all of those pregnancies I didn’t one of them to be me and Sam, I wanted us to both be happy we were having a baby and everyone around us to be happy. The thought crossed my mind when people were pregnant that even if I did get pregnant no one would even be happy cause that person was having a baby before I was but it isn’t that way, and if it was I wouldn’t care cause all that matters is that Sam and I are happy (which we are) Everyone around us is showering us with excitement, just as much excitement as we have. I couldn’t think that it could be more perfect. Today as I blog I think lord I have prayed and prayed for years and years for the “perfect” life… can life truly get any more perfect then mine? I want the lord (which he should already know, even though I can’t thank him enough) to know along with you guys that I am so thankful that the lord gave me the holyghost almost 13 years ago, and gave Sam the holyghost almost 6 years ago and in just a few month we will be married for 5 years, and just a few months after that 5 year mark the lord will bless us with our first bundle of joy, boy or girl I know we will both be happy. I love the lord and his plan, before I could get to this point I know I would think Lord why do you have to not let me get pregnant, when will I ever find a husband, why don’t we have money, all these questions… things I was so upset about like the lord didn’t love me, when loved me more then I even realized is what he did. I mean he has just worked it all out more then I can even blog about, probably more then I even know. I know this blog doesn’t really have a purpose just a bunch of chit chat. I guess I just was so thankful at how the lord worked things out and hope that in that time of need of faith I hope I will have it, when I step out on his faith I hope I am able to stand and not fall. I know he just has to be there with me, especially that’s what I can hope for J
Through the last 9 years we have had times where we struggled with me being a stay at home mom, both financially and emotionally (for me, that is, emotionally, LOL, you do get lonely sometimes with just a baby/toddler) but ultimatly it has been worth it. We had discussed it before we had kids, that I would be a stay at home mom, but when times got really tough, I ended up going back to work for a while. I worked for about 3 months and Gabriel went to a sitters for about 9 hrs a day..it was horrible. We didn't get that much ahead, and I missed out on a lot with him, I feel like. :(
ReplyDeleteLee finally told me that all the problems I was having at my job was probably the Lord's way of telling me that I should stay home, but I wanted to keep working. Ultimatly, I got fired, and I couldn't find another (good) job. So I gave up on it and tried to pray about it. We ended up so much better for it! We still have rough months (and sometimes years!) but we make it ok, just on a tight budget.
Just pray about it and the Lord will make a way. Lee has a great job now, and I know the Lord provided it for him....The Lord can either give Sam a better job, or bless him where he is.