Friday, April 22, 2011

Time In The Kitchen w/ Beth (my BFF)

Please take a moment to just look at what Beth & I done with our time in the kitchen last night & leave us comments on what you think about them!!

Yummy! They are cookie sandwiches, so they have icing in the middle & then we decorated them. Everything is homemade from scratch. Yes we made homemade sugar cookies & our own icing & put our "talents" to work!! Don't forget to leave a comment with what you think, cause we want to know!!!

Umm they tasted GREAT Taylor (of course) & you can only have one if you buy one!! LOL That's the whole point!

Saturday, April 16, 2011


So someone is coming to look at our house today at 10:30, so if you reading this STOP and go pray right NOW lol I have a really good feeling about this and just hope and pray the lord will let our house sale!! We have no where to go if it does but I'd be willing to live in a box LOL which I know we wouldn't have to but if it came down to it that's how bad I want this house to sale, we have had it up for sale for a LONG time!!!

Ok so I will be changing my blog colors thanks to Brandy & Aunt Monica! They are getting to old and say the green is to hard to read.. (just kidding guys, lol) & I may take u up on that offer for first week in October!! I really wish I could go to DisneyWorld I am so jealous of the pics!!! Beth & I need our Disney fix BAD... especially before the baby gets here.. she is soo cute pregnant.. I love it and so happy for Bethie.. I am excited I am getting a new niece!!! I can't wait to spoil her..

Until next time... Mrs. Hill

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Hard Night/Morning

It amazes me of the people that get pregnant, people that don’t want children, people that don’t take care of their children, bad mothers already, people that have children and let their spouses do gross and nasty things to them, people that kill their children, I wonder if the people out there that does these things out weigh the people that actually does love their children. Then there are people like us that want a baby almost as much as anything and it’s like we can’t even get one. I know right now in my life financial we would struggle with a baby cause I want to be able to stay at home with my babies and be exactly what the lord wants me to be but isn’t that what life is about is struggle? Do we not struggle everyday? I know I do! I want the lord's will though cause I want to be able to stay at home with my babies and have dinner ready when Sam comes home and the house all clean, that maybe why the lord hasn't granted a baby yet cause that's what i want and i know that would please the lord and he knows we couldnt right now. I am not jealous of my friends that are pregnant or am I? I am happy for them and very excited that a new baby is coming that I can spoil but I mean when will my time come!? When will I get to be the with a spoiled kid myself cause someone is spoiling my kid. I go to baby shower after baby shower, I help friends pick out cribs, bedding, help plan baby showers, buy nice gifts for my friends, buy clothes for them, am at every birthday party I can possibly be at as they are getting older.. its like always an “aunt” never a mother kind of thing… I am so bummed! I wish I could stay positive everyday and not be negative about everything but I know that wont happen.. but I just don’t understand. Sam & I are at church probably close to everytime the doors are open, I carry out my food on 3rd Sunday, I cook whatever I need to, I sign the menu everytime (well I forgot once, lol during my surgery) my crockpots are full, I sign the list for singings or any parties/church functions going on, I mean I do what I was taught to do and I was told that would make the lord happy, is it not? Is he not happy with me!> I mean I am so sorry but this has really been on my mind, I question him.. ask him will I be able to make it through if I never have a baby? He only puts on us what we can handle will I be able to handle much longer of this!? I ask the lord why not us? Have Sam & I done something to be like this? Right now I live in a 2 story 4 bedroom 3 bathroom house, no joke (& promise I am not bragging) but it’s really nice but it’s been up for sale for close to 2 years now just so that we can move into a trailor, a small trailor in order to be able to start a family! I just look at these people that get everything in life they want and sometimes don’t want (talking about a baby here) and I look at them and in my mind the only thing I can come up with is why? Why!? Some of these people have HUGE houses and the wife gets to stay at home with the babies and I have to stop myself to just say it’s not your turn yet, not my turn… one day it will be though, it HAS to be one day.. I have lived for the lord for almost 12 years and he can’t let me down now cause he never has before. I just know he will do us all right the ones out there that know what I am going through. I cried when I laid my head down last nite as I am crying while typing this.. just knowing in my heart the lord knows.. he knows.. what we want, what we need, when we want it & when the “right” time is to give it to us. I love the lord and he knows that! If I have to live my life down here on earth with no baby & it just be me and Sam in order to make it to heaven I will do it, in a heartbeat cause when I get to heaven I’ll just hold all the babies up there.. the ones that didn’t choose to be in the life that they lived.. ones where again the parents didn’t take care of them, they killed them, a million reasons out there.. when I get to heaven I’ll be their mother.. although they wont need one than but that brings comfort to my heart thinking that way.. Man I know this is long but I had sooo much on my mind.. on my heart… I just got bummed out last night & needed to vent my feelings about my baby drama.. so sorry guys… but you know you love me J

Monday, April 11, 2011

Life After Surgery

So I had surgery Friday, I am sorry I have been down the past few days, but thought I'd let everyone know I am doing fine. I haven't been sleeping good at nights, like my days & nights are mixed up and I've been hurting but last night I slept good and today is my last day off of work.. so I am a little nervous about that.. sitting at a desk all day tomorrrow.. so wish me luck! Surgery went good though and everything went fine!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Surgery Day

Ok everyone today is the day! I am so nervous so I just ask everyone to please pray. I dont want my nerves to get the best of me. I am so thankful for everyone that has already prayed for me the lord knows it all. So I know I am in very good hands! I probably won't blog this weekend unless I can get to the computer sometimes so if you'd like to know anything today, Sam should have my cell phone and you can text or call & he should be able to let you know something. I love you guys!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Boy or Girl (Pay Special Attention)

I hope you can tell by the color of my font what Bethie is having!! WOOHOO now.. please have red curly hair LOL

Monday, April 4, 2011

Maybe I was to HARSH..

Ok so yeah maybe that first blog was a little harsh.. maybe I shouldn't have went off like that but it just hurts so bad when you want to keep things private & people's little noses are all over the place, every where I turn wanting to find out what is going on.. I just get sick of it..

However on the positive note.. I do see that people may just care about me and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings cause I am not that kind of person.. I've been trying to move up in the ways of the lord so I am sorry for flying off like that to my peeps.. lol I know you guys still love me and no my frustration...

So as a starter out to my new "self" of trying alot harder than I have before.. I am going to tell you guys my story.. that way everyone can know.. Brace yourself cause I can't say it's easy to read let alone type..

Sam & I have been trying for a baby for awhile now, I haven't been able to get pregnant. The past 9 months to me has been a living nightmare. You try and take one day at a time, yet at night when you lay down that's still all you can think about is the chances of actually becoming a mother. When will it be our turn? Why us Lord? What if it is never? How can I make it through another friend telling me that they are pregnant? Where can I get help? See question after question, day after day, tear after tear..where your mind is never settled. I settled with keeping it in, keeping it just between a few people.. family & close friends. I went to the doctor and wasn't given great news.. just news that well have your mind spinning circles around every question all over again. As everyone knows I have endometriosis. It's very painful probably 5-7 days of the week.. It hurts so bad I get sick and I cry. For those of you that don't have this be thankful, for those of you that do have this I can feel your pain.. (literally, lol) So I am scheduled for surgery on Friday, surgery that can help or change my life forever. That's what it feels like anyways.. I have tried and tried to trust the lord, and tried to have faith that just maybe I won't have to have surgery but as the days near closer and closer to Friday it gets harder and harder to believe. I've always wanted to be a stay at home mother, with children & a husband that takes us all to church & if that's not the Lord wants us to have than I am trying to be ok with that. I put a challenge out there tho if you haven't been through this state of "thinking" you have  no idea how I feel.. How it feels getting negative pregnancy tests all the time, when all your wanting is to hold your own baby in your arms & not just your friends baby. I know the lord knows all and I may have a baby that could die or something be wrong with it and that's not what I want so I try and be positive that the lord knows exactly what he is doing. I wish I could say everyday of my life I thought that way but it'd be a lie if I said that. When you sit at church and you look around and all of your friends either have children or a baby on the way.. you begin to question yourself on where do you fit in at, I know that cause that's what I have been doing for the past 9 months, where do I fit in? All my friends lives have changed with the jobs of raising babies or getting ready for one and I am left out. I always thought once you got over the teenage part of your life that question of "Where do I fit in at?" would never resurface but it has now at 23 years old..I ask myself that alot. The devil has my mind so tied up with this that sometimes I have to get ahold of myself, cause you catch yourself asking, What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Did I do enough in church? Have I done enough for God's children? I would have never thought as a young girl I would be the one having problems having a baby, not one.. I just figured just like every other girl that you grow up get the holyghost, get married & have kids.. and live happy ever after.. Sam has been my support system, he has always been there and I know will continue to be there. Sam & I have a great marriage, a wonderful marriage, a marriage that I have always wanted. I couldn't ask for a better husband. He takes care of me and provides for me. We are usually at church everytime the doors are open and I love it. I love my life with Sam. I love the church we go to, the friends we have, our family. I just truly love my life. I asked the lord as a little girl to please send me a husband with the holyghost that would always take us to church & the lord couldn't have done a better job. I've tried to prep our minds for this surgery just thinking the worse so either way I'll be prepared or I'll be excited.. The lord performs miracles daily, that means even on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday & Saturday.. that took care of the whole week.. he didn't leave a day out.. Deep down I am still hoping for a miracle before my surgery.. but just in case the lord don't see fit in giving me that miracle than I am ok with that.. (trying hard to be anyways) As the saying always go & I strongly believe in there is power in prayer.. that's why I have decided to finally share my story with you guys.. I love each and everyone out there reading this blog, but more importantly I have confidence in everyone reading this blog, that maybe JUST maybe you can be the one to help me get ahold of the lord, the loving lord that we serve everyday.. He never lets us down and I know he wont me either.

Once again, sorry for being harsh earlier.. it's just so hard to put it out in the open that I may have trouble having a baby, I shouldnt be ashamed tho cause poeple go through this all day every day, and their are people out there that have went through what I am going through and maybe I can get some encouragement out of this post.

Until next time.. Mrs. Hill

Things I CAN'T stand... (Vent Blog)

There is so many things in life that really makes me mad, since usually I can't solve them I figured I could just blog about them! Ok so here we go..

1) I can't stand nosey people! So therefore this one is for all of you people that get on my blog just to see what my problems are and try and figure out all my PERSONAL information. I mean I ain't stupid if I want to keep it private & to myself I am NOT going to blog about it! I mean get real people & quit asking around trying to find out what is wrong, cause all your doing is making me mad!

2) I can't stand when you tell something private to someone you trust & in a few days you hear it from someone else. I mean do you honestly think when I heard it I didn't know how that person found out? Use common sense!

3) I can't stand jealous people! I mean why does people have to be jealous, you should just be happy for what you have in your life and what you get to do in your life. Why does it have to matter what other people get to do verses what you get to do.

4) Lol ok I can't think of a #4 but the top 3 REALLY make me mad, can I hear from my followers that feel this same way, I mean aren't we grown adults so why do we have to act like children?? Can I get an AMEN? LOL I mean I am just so over the drama people.. get out of my business, quit asking everyone else about my life, quit reading my blog just to TRY & figure out what is going on in my life, if you really want to know what is going on than ask me & IF I want you to know I will tell you and you don't have to stress yourself out.. If I don't want you to know than guess what you won't get it from me or my blog!!

Ok time to settle down.. cool off.. lol sorry for all of my followers that are my true followers that love me and aren't always in my business.. I love you and so sorry you had to read all of that...

My weekend, was pretty dull.. I didn't do a single thing Saturday & Sunday morning I cleaned out our office (well started it) and than Sunday night to church, we had company Sunday night & that was fun.. I only have a 4 day week at work this week, woohoo I am off Friday & Monday.. woohoo.. time to rest at home & do nothing, how fun does that sound?!

Until next time..Mrs. Hill